When Your Partner Is Sick, You Carry It Too

When someone you love is sick, everyone asks how they are doing.

How is he feeling? What did the doctor say? What happens next?

And those questions should be asked.

My husband's health has not been the greatest, and lately, I have had to admit something that is difficult for me to say:

I am burned out.

I have family who asks me how I am doing. They ask what they can do for me, and I appreciate that. I really do.

But at the end of the day, that's usually where it ends.

And somewhere along the way, I found myself asking a question that made me uncomfortable:

When did his health become my burden and mine alone?

I am the one watching. The one worrying. The one remembering. The one wondering whether a symptom is something we should worry about or whether everything is okay.

And then I still have to work.

I still have responsibilities.

I still have a household.

I still have to make money.

I still have to somehow function normally when sometimes nothing about our life feels normal.

There is also a reality that I don't think we talk about enough as we get older: What happens to everything else when the healthy partner isn't healthy anymore either?

That realization has been an eye-opener for me.

I am the primary money maker in our household. If I get sick and cannot work, we don't have some magical backup plan waiting in the wings. The bills don't stop. The mortgage doesn't care. Life doesn't suddenly become less expensive because both people are struggling.

And I don't have a line of backup people ready to step in and take over.

That scares me.

But maybe fear can teach us something if we listen to it.

For me, it has made me look at some of my own habits differently.

I need to take better care of myself.

Not six months from now.

Not when life calms down.

Not when I have more time.

Now.

Because health becomes increasingly important as we get older, and taking care of yourself isn't just about losing weight or fitting into a certain size. It's about being able to live your life. It's about independence. Energy. Strength. Mobility. And sometimes, it's about being able to keep your family afloat when life throws something at you that you never expected.

That doesn't mean you have to wake up tomorrow and completely change your life.

Start small.

Push yourself to take the walk, even when you'd rather stay on the couch.

Do yoga at home.

Pick up some weights.

Do ten squats while you're waiting for your coffee.

Stretch.

Walk around the block.

Just keep moving.

And start paying attention to what you're putting into your body.

It doesn't have to be perfect. Try more good and less bad. Add more foods that actually nourish you. Drink more water. Make one better choice today than you made yesterday.

Small changes count.

Because I am beginning to understand something I should have taken more seriously a long time ago:

My health isn't something I can keep putting at the bottom of my list.

I can love my husband.

I can worry about him.

I can support him.

I can be there for him.

But I also have to be there for myself.

Maybe that's one of the harder lessons that comes with getting older. We spend years taking care of everyone else, working, raising families, paying bills, solving problems and telling ourselves we'll take better care of ourselves when things slow down.

Then life reminds us that there is no guarantee things are going to slow down.

So take the walk.

Move your body.

Eat a little better.

Make the appointment you've been putting off.

Rest when you need to.

And don't wait for a health crisis to remind you that your health matters too.

Because the person taking care of everyone else needs taking care of, too.