When Did Being the Strong Women Become So Exhausting?

Somewhere along the way, being called a strong woman stopped feeling like a compliment and started feeling like a job description.

You know the woman.

The one everyone calls when something goes wrong. The one who figures it out. The one who keeps going. The one people describe by saying, “Oh, she'll be fine. She's strong.”

But what if she isn't fine?

What if she's exhausted?

What if she doesn't want to figure it out today?

I've been thinking a lot about the word strong and how easily we place it on women without realizing the expectations that sometimes come with it.

Because once people decide you're the strong one, they can start assuming you don't need checking on.

You don't need help.

You'll handle it.

You always do.

And maybe you will.

But that doesn't mean you should always have to.

Who Checks on the Strong Woman?

There are women walking around every single day handling things nobody knows about.

They're showing up for work, answering texts, paying bills, taking care of responsibilities, smiling at people and getting things done.

And because they're functioning, everyone assumes they're okay.

But functioning and being okay are not the same thing.

Sometimes being strong simply means you've gotten really good at doing what needs to be done while you're struggling.

And that's the part people don't always see.

They see what you accomplish.

They don't see what it costs you.

“She'll Figure It Out.”

Maybe you've heard this before.

"She'll figure it out."

And maybe that's true.

Maybe you always have.

But sometimes I wonder if constantly figuring everything out teaches the people around us that they don't have to show up.

Because you'll take care of it.

You'll make the phone call. You'll solve the problem. You'll find the money. You'll make the decision. You'll keep everything moving.

And eventually you look around and realize:

I'm capable of doing this—but why am I always the one doing it?

There's a difference.

Being capable doesn't mean you should carry everything.

What If Strength Looks Different Now?

I think we need to change what being a strong woman looks like.

Strength doesn't always mean pushing through.

Sometimes strength is saying:

I can't do this today.

Sometimes it's asking for help before you're completely overwhelmed.

Sometimes it's saying no without writing a three-paragraph explanation afterward.

Sometimes it's changing your mind.

Sometimes it's admitting you're scared.

Sometimes it's crying.

Sometimes it's walking away from something you've spent years trying to make work.

And sometimes strength is simply saying:

I'm tired.

Not I'm giving up.

Not I'm weak.

Just...

I'm tired.

Those words shouldn't require an apology.

You Don't Have to Earn Rest

This one can be hard.

Especially for women who are used to accomplishing things.

We convince ourselves we'll rest when everything is finished.

After the laundry.

After the emails.

After the bills.

After the project.

After everyone else is okay.

But when is everything actually finished?

There's always something else. Another problem. Another responsibility. Another person who needs something.

Maybe rest isn't something we're supposed to earn after we've completely exhausted ourselves.

Maybe we're allowed to stop simply because we need to.

I Can Be Strong and Still Need Someone

This may be the biggest one.

Being independent doesn't mean you don't need people.

Being capable doesn't mean you don't need support.

And being strong doesn't mean you never get to fall apart.

Sometimes the woman who appears to have everything handled is the woman who desperately wishes somebody would look at her and ask:

“But how are YOU doing?”

And actually stay long enough to hear the answer.

So maybe the next time someone calls you a strong woman, you can accept the compliment.

Because you probably are strong.

But remember this:

Strong doesn't mean unbreakable.

Strong doesn't mean unlimited.

And strong certainly doesn't mean you have to carry everything alone.

Maybe the strongest thing you can do sometimes is put something down.

And leave it there.

Because being a strong woman was never supposed to mean being an exhausted one.